Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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