well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
