he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
