return my video game
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
