i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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