Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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