Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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