i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
