About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
