I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
