WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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