Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
