You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
