Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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