I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My vagina just clenched in fear
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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