i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize