anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
