I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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