I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
