Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
