Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
