I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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