$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
