Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
