he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
