Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
