my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do vagina's smell?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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