He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
