Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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