Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I understand Curling. That high.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
