Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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