if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
