Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
