I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
