Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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