Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
