i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He did a backflip because drugs
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
