I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
