I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
tell me about the eggs
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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