Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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