new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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