I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
birth control should be required to get into college
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
