for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
