And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
