how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
