I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
