hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
