She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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