My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
