when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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