im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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