my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
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some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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