all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
