Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
