mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
