we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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