I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
