I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize