You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
