piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
