but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
