If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
