ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
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His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
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Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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