Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
