I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
