she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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