I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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