from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
