I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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