I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i came on her dog
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize