i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
