38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
