I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
