Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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