theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
