why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
