...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
