i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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